Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I am weak
As the anniversary of Alanna's death comes closer, I have found myself missing her more and more. I have caught myself wishing to have her back even if she was still sick. That is a thought for a very weak moment. I am sad that it takes me a second to catch what I am wishing. There is no way I would drag her back here from God to be sick all over again. I would wish for her to be back healthy, but my brain dismisses that out of hand as impossible. Hey, if she can come back, she can come back healthy. Either way it's a selfish thought on my part. I am grateful, in a way, that I still miss her so much. I just wish it could be a little less.
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1 comment:
I was just talking about the shame I felt feeling similar feelings. But, I don't think it's weakness. We've been through quite a rollercoaster. You most of all, my brother. You have the responsibility of all three of your lives coping with Alanna being gone, not just your own. Please do me a favor and share the stories with the kids any chance you get. That's one thing I regret about relatives that have since passed on. There are so many untold stories that can never be recovered.
Okay, enough blathering.
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