Last night was special and bittersweet. Anni had her winter choir concert. It was in a big, beautiful church with lots of wood. The choirs (6th grade, 7th-8th, Senior high, and Les Chanteuses) were all really good. I was blessed to have some really good friends there with me in the audience. The closing number was called "Peace, Peace" and featured the audience, some 300 strong, singing the first verse of "Silent Night" in time with the other song. It moved me to tears.
I remember Alanna being at last year's concert. I remember how much pain she was in before she had the operations on her vertebrae right before Christmas. Last night she wasn't sitting next to me. She was, however, very present in my heart.
The kids and I made it through Thanksgiving without much gloom or fuss. I think Christmas will be a far different experience, at least for me.
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2 comments:
Jim, I am so glad to find out I'm not the only one feeling her absence, yet knowing she is right there. As you know, I've been having my own battles... deciding to confront and cast out obligatory relationships with no actual motivation. I felt Alanna was right there when I finally took a stand. I could hear her sayng "don't you think that's a little harsh?" and me saying "have you known me to be anything else?" And her saying "you have a point there. I've always loved your candidness, Loudicrous. Go for it." She gave us so much. She continues to give us her wisdom and grace.
Hardly a week goes by where Dee Dee doesn't think to to call Alanna and share some story. Many times she is caught off gourd as some little part in her brain speaks up and says, "Hey! Alanna's not there. She's gone home."
I agree brother, Christmas is going to be very different this year.
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