Ready for Goodbye

Tonight I kissed my mother-in-law goodnight. It's a new thing for me. She's been living with us for almost 3 and a half months and only recently have I begun to give her a kiss on the cheek when I leave for the day or say goodnight. She is dying and it has finally become clear to me that I need to treat every moment I have with her as though they are my last.

I thought I understood what that meant a couple of months ago. It seemed a sad thing to me. Now I see it differently. It is about allowing whatever time we have together as a family to be special all the time. When I go into Mama's room to talk, I give her my full attention. I try to treat her like the most important person in the world during those moments. In doing that, I give her the love and respect that I believe all people deserve and that God hopes for. It is not a difficult task when I focus, but it does require the effort to focus on it. I could get wrapped up in what medicine she will take next. I could get distracted by the tv show that she has on at the time. Instead, I stand next to her and hold her hand, or sit on the foot of her bed and look at her as we talk. It is changing the way I see relationships.

Even in her confusion she is a wonderful person. She may be tired or wide awake. She may want company or she may be saying, "No touchy!" but I believe she is worth every second of my attention. Mama has taught me more about the dignity of dying and the peace that comes with faith than I ever knew before. She amazes me with her usual good humor and grace, even though she knows she is wasting slowly away. She even becomes impatient with God at times because she is still here. She has no "death wish." She simply knows that the time is coming and that better things await when her life here ends. I can't argue with her about that. I see her point. I even wish it for her, although I will miss her terribly.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all come to grips with our mortality? Wouldn't it be great if we could all be confident and hopeful for what comes when our earthly bodies die? It is all connected to faith; the power of belief in the one who came to earth to conquer death for us all. Through faith in Jesus of Nazareth as the Messiah we all can have the kind of peace here and eternal life to which Mama is looking forward. We might find time to appreciate more things and worry less. How many of us wish we could worry less? The price is faith and it's worth every penny. I will give her a kiss before every bedtime and before every time I leave for work now, because I better understand the power of love and faith to make the world a better place, even if only one person at a time.